Over the last several years of practicing therapy, I have noticed commonalities among the couples that come to see me. In most cases the problems are not huge themselves, but they do create a huge rift in the marriage.
The Reasons
The number one reason that couples come to see me is because they feel like they have drifted apart. Their love was strong, but over time, and often for no obvious reason, that love began to fade and they felt more and more distant. They still care for each other, but they lack the “spark” that they once had.
The second most common reason that couples seek out my services is poor communication with each other. In this case, their love is often strong and they are committed to the marriage, but one or both of the individuals feels unheard or is unable to adequately verbalize their feelings, their needs and their wants. This has lead to frustration for both individuals and their marriage is in danger.
The third most common reason that couples come into my office is because of an addiction. Most often this addiction is pornography or some other sexual behavior, but I also see couples come in with drug, alcohol and shopping struggles as well. While all of these scenarios are hard on a marriage, pornography seems to be particularly difficult. When one spouse struggles with compulsive pornography use, it leaves the other spouse with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Hope for the relationship begins to fade as they drift apart emotionally and physically.
Struggle Is Normal
While these scenarios are common to couples seeking help, they are not a sign that a marriage is failing or that the individuals are somehow broken. Struggles are normal in a relationship…in fact a relationship is more often a struggle than it is smooth sailing. These situations are a sign that something is not working well in the relationship and there is hope to repair it. Each of the scenarios I listed above began with strong love and connection, which is the foundation that we build on to repair the relationship.
Normal life circumstances stress a marriage. We make choices that impact us, our spouse, and others. Sometimes those choices improve the situation and other times they do not. This is normal and the way we improve is to learn to make better choices. We learn how to connect again, how to communicate more effectively and how to remove negative patterns in our lives so we can focus on what matters most. We improve our marriage by changing and developing ourselves.
Success in marriage therapy is about willingness and dedication. The couples that are willing to change and are dedicated to the relationship make the most progress in the shortest amount of time. Couples that are not as willing or not as dedicated often develop that willingness and dedication over time, so there is always hope for change.
Are you ready?
If you feel like your relationship could be improved, I offer a free consultation for potential clients in California and Arizona. Call 276
If you have questions, comments or ideas for future blogs, please contact me through my website, gscounseling.org.